Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Reflection on Song
When I first recieved this assignment, I was not sure what I would write about. I eventually chose racism because it was a topic I felt strongly about. I thought that if I spent enough time on it and really thought about my lyrics, my song could have some meaning and depth.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
Song/Analysis
Analysis Tim Radovich
Racism has been an issue in our great country since it's beginning. The common beliefs or biases about a certain race or people have been factors in our lives and communities for centuries. Blacks are thugs and always good at sports. Jews are extremely common and misconstrued smart and cheap. These are just a couple of the thousands of beliefs throughout not just our country, but also the world. Though not all of these biased beliefs are negative, they are still stereotypical, and help strengthen racism and prejudice in general.
The worst forms of racism, however, are the violent ones. There are too many cases and examples of often pointless and thoughtless crimes against a person based only on his race or country of origin. People are often hurt, beaten, or killed just because of the way they look or the religion they believe in. I believe that racism is a terrible thing that our world has been stricken with. The idea of judging a person because of the color of their skin or the way they look is awful, as well as thoughtless and crude. This is why I chose to write my song about racism. I feel that racism is a sickness that must be cured in our world, or it could well be the end of us all.
My name is Tim and I'm pretty damn white
In the past other races wanted to fight.
But man I am sick of all this discrimination
Cause in the end we all live under one united nation
My opening lines act as opening up my song, and my views of discrimination. I start with something simple and kind of funny. I say my name, and say that I am full white. Then I say that in the past, whites had riffs with many other races, including mainly problems of slavery. After this, I talk briefly about how I feel about discrimination, and that I am tired of it, because I think, in the end, everyone in this world lives together, in a sense. And though it may not seem like it, when it all comes down to the basics of life, everybody wants the same things in their life.
Discrimination should be a thing of the past
And yet such a monster it is, wide and vast
And no, this is not about just whites and blacks
It's about prejudice, which should all be given the axe.
The first line expresses how I think that racism should really have died out a long time ago. Wars have been fought over racism numerous times, each with the same goal: To end racism, once and for all. And yet, through numerous wars, prejudice still remains. I describe it as a monster, large and wide, destroying everything in sight. I say that this is not just about blacks and whites, two races that are often found in conflict. The song is about all prejudice, which should all entirely be cut out of our lives.
For every origin, there is a bias to match.
Whites can't jump, can't ball, can't catch.
Blacks are just thugs, waiting to take your stuff.
Immigrants steal jobs, making our lives tough.
These next four lines talk about the common biases of different races. The first line says how for every race, there is a bias for them, whether it be good or bad. I then name a couple well-known biases; that whites are rarely superior athletes, blacks are generally thieves, and immigrants do nothing but take the jobs that should be going to Americans.
Throughout the years most has changed, but racism still remains.
It's always there, won't go away, but we gotta break these chains.
People focus on the bad; their first answer is the gun.
But maybe we should take a look, and see what some others have done.
The first line says that throughout the years this world has seen, much has changed. However, racism seems too stand intact. It has always been there, and never seems to go away. So we must break away from racism, and its chains that hold us down. The next line says how people usually pay attention to the bad things that other races have done, and their usual first reaction to these things are violence. The last line talks about how that instead of violence, people should take a look at the past, and see how other people have reacted to and dealt with racism.
MLK junior, a truly great man of our time.
He gave his life for our country and didn’t expect a dime.
Honest Abe, our country's hero, all the slaves he freed.
Both great people, they helped a lot of people in need.
Mahatma Gandhi preached nonviolence and truth
He taught the ways of peace and kindness to the youth.
Gandhi was perhaps the purest man this world has ever known.
The reason that he was shot remains to be unknown.
These two verses talk about three prominent peace figures, who did great things in the fight against racism, and each of them doing it in their own ways. Martin Luther King Jr. spent much of his life giving speeches and leading marches fighting racism against blacks. He did great things for black people and communities, all the while never using violence to show his ways. Abraham Lincoln almost single handedly abolished slavery. Mahatma Ghandi used truth, peace, and nonviolence to help in the Indian community's struggle for civil rights in South Africa. The endings to both verses say how all three of these people were great men.
Why is it that the good ones seem to die too young?
Killed for the ways they spoke, for the songs they sung.
It seems like once a person comes along, preaches the right ways.
Another comes along, and ends the other person's days.
This verse asks a general question: Why is it that the good people are killed young? Others who did not share the same beliefs as them killed all these three men. This forces me to ask the question; "Why is it that when the world is blessed with a figure who finally has views on something perfect, he or she is taken away?" We must ask; if this sad trend persists, will racism ever be defeated?
Racism is a beast, swallowing people up whole.
Judging people on their looks will surely take its toll.
It always grows, and we must break down its wall,
Or else it will surely be the end of us all.
My last verse sums the entire song up in a sort, and tries to recap on the messages of the song. It compares racism to a beast, a beast that swallows people in its way. The beast grows, and we must break it down and destroy it. The last line of the song leaves the listeners with a final ultimatum: If we do not come together and end racism, it could mean the end of us all.
Racism has been an issue in our great country since it's beginning. The common beliefs or biases about a certain race or people have been factors in our lives and communities for centuries. Blacks are thugs and always good at sports. Jews are extremely common and misconstrued smart and cheap. These are just a couple of the thousands of beliefs throughout not just our country, but also the world. Though not all of these biased beliefs are negative, they are still stereotypical, and help strengthen racism and prejudice in general.
The worst forms of racism, however, are the violent ones. There are too many cases and examples of often pointless and thoughtless crimes against a person based only on his race or country of origin. People are often hurt, beaten, or killed just because of the way they look or the religion they believe in. I believe that racism is a terrible thing that our world has been stricken with. The idea of judging a person because of the color of their skin or the way they look is awful, as well as thoughtless and crude. This is why I chose to write my song about racism. I feel that racism is a sickness that must be cured in our world, or it could well be the end of us all.
My name is Tim and I'm pretty damn white
In the past other races wanted to fight.
But man I am sick of all this discrimination
Cause in the end we all live under one united nation
My opening lines act as opening up my song, and my views of discrimination. I start with something simple and kind of funny. I say my name, and say that I am full white. Then I say that in the past, whites had riffs with many other races, including mainly problems of slavery. After this, I talk briefly about how I feel about discrimination, and that I am tired of it, because I think, in the end, everyone in this world lives together, in a sense. And though it may not seem like it, when it all comes down to the basics of life, everybody wants the same things in their life.
Discrimination should be a thing of the past
And yet such a monster it is, wide and vast
And no, this is not about just whites and blacks
It's about prejudice, which should all be given the axe.
The first line expresses how I think that racism should really have died out a long time ago. Wars have been fought over racism numerous times, each with the same goal: To end racism, once and for all. And yet, through numerous wars, prejudice still remains. I describe it as a monster, large and wide, destroying everything in sight. I say that this is not just about blacks and whites, two races that are often found in conflict. The song is about all prejudice, which should all entirely be cut out of our lives.
For every origin, there is a bias to match.
Whites can't jump, can't ball, can't catch.
Blacks are just thugs, waiting to take your stuff.
Immigrants steal jobs, making our lives tough.
These next four lines talk about the common biases of different races. The first line says how for every race, there is a bias for them, whether it be good or bad. I then name a couple well-known biases; that whites are rarely superior athletes, blacks are generally thieves, and immigrants do nothing but take the jobs that should be going to Americans.
Throughout the years most has changed, but racism still remains.
It's always there, won't go away, but we gotta break these chains.
People focus on the bad; their first answer is the gun.
But maybe we should take a look, and see what some others have done.
The first line says that throughout the years this world has seen, much has changed. However, racism seems too stand intact. It has always been there, and never seems to go away. So we must break away from racism, and its chains that hold us down. The next line says how people usually pay attention to the bad things that other races have done, and their usual first reaction to these things are violence. The last line talks about how that instead of violence, people should take a look at the past, and see how other people have reacted to and dealt with racism.
MLK junior, a truly great man of our time.
He gave his life for our country and didn’t expect a dime.
Honest Abe, our country's hero, all the slaves he freed.
Both great people, they helped a lot of people in need.
Mahatma Gandhi preached nonviolence and truth
He taught the ways of peace and kindness to the youth.
Gandhi was perhaps the purest man this world has ever known.
The reason that he was shot remains to be unknown.
These two verses talk about three prominent peace figures, who did great things in the fight against racism, and each of them doing it in their own ways. Martin Luther King Jr. spent much of his life giving speeches and leading marches fighting racism against blacks. He did great things for black people and communities, all the while never using violence to show his ways. Abraham Lincoln almost single handedly abolished slavery. Mahatma Ghandi used truth, peace, and nonviolence to help in the Indian community's struggle for civil rights in South Africa. The endings to both verses say how all three of these people were great men.
Why is it that the good ones seem to die too young?
Killed for the ways they spoke, for the songs they sung.
It seems like once a person comes along, preaches the right ways.
Another comes along, and ends the other person's days.
This verse asks a general question: Why is it that the good people are killed young? Others who did not share the same beliefs as them killed all these three men. This forces me to ask the question; "Why is it that when the world is blessed with a figure who finally has views on something perfect, he or she is taken away?" We must ask; if this sad trend persists, will racism ever be defeated?
Racism is a beast, swallowing people up whole.
Judging people on their looks will surely take its toll.
It always grows, and we must break down its wall,
Or else it will surely be the end of us all.
My last verse sums the entire song up in a sort, and tries to recap on the messages of the song. It compares racism to a beast, a beast that swallows people in its way. The beast grows, and we must break it down and destroy it. The last line of the song leaves the listeners with a final ultimatum: If we do not come together and end racism, it could mean the end of us all.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
snowboarding
Snowboarding
The snow is soft, while as white as a dove
Turning's easy, all one fluid motion.
Wind in my face, I'm doing what I love.
The snow feels great, like water from the ocean.
Upcoming jump ahead, knees bent, ready.
Prepping for the air that will soon be caught
Focusing, keeping all my turns steady.
Flying through the air, landing isn't so hot.
Double black diamond, a difficult task.
The hardest snowboarding run of them all
What's the worst that can happen? I'd hate to ask.
But what a challenge, I must answer the call.
I love to snowboard, I hold it very dear.
It's quite a shame I only go once a year.
The snow is soft, while as white as a dove
Turning's easy, all one fluid motion.
Wind in my face, I'm doing what I love.
The snow feels great, like water from the ocean.
Upcoming jump ahead, knees bent, ready.
Prepping for the air that will soon be caught
Focusing, keeping all my turns steady.
Flying through the air, landing isn't so hot.
Double black diamond, a difficult task.
The hardest snowboarding run of them all
What's the worst that can happen? I'd hate to ask.
But what a challenge, I must answer the call.
I love to snowboard, I hold it very dear.
It's quite a shame I only go once a year.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
holden 10 years later
10 Years Later Tim Radovich
Don't you try to stop me, don’t you dare. I have thought about it, and goddam it, I'm sick and tired of it! I've been here for 10 long years, and enough is enough! If you really want to hear about it, I'll tell you why. I guess to really understand everything, I would have to go back about 10 years, back to that one goddam terrible day. I'm sure you remember my story. But I guess now I have to tell you all the things I never told you the first time.
I was on my way to see Jane. You remember Jane don’t ya? I doubt you remember, actually. Remember way back when, when I first got to this dump? I was telling you my story and all. Maybe you don’t remember, I don’t know. Anyway, I was on my way to see Jane. I hadn’t seen her in such a long time, I couldn’t even remember the last time I laid my eyes on her. Boy, was it going to be great to see old Jane. Her and I used to be such great friends. We would hang out as kids, since we were neighbors and all. We would do everything, talk, go to the theaters, play checkers. That was something funny about Jane. She always kept her kings in the back row. Would never move 'em up, not even if she had to. She was a funny one, that Jane. Don’t get me wrong, she was a great old gal. One of the best friends I ever had. I was close as hell to her too. But I don’t know, it always seemed like she was holding something back, or like she never opened up fully. Anyway, I had called up old Jane the day before. I hadn’t talked to her in ages, so I felt that I should give her a buzz. While the phone rang, I got really nervous, and I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it was just 'cause I hadn’t spoken to her in so long, and I was kinda afraid of her not remembering me. I didn’t have long to worry, though, because she picked up pretty quickly. My heart leapt with joy. We shot the crap around for a little, until she invited me to come out and see her. I told her I couldn’t wait, she gave me her address, and we said our goodbyes. Before I hung up the phone, I dialed up my brother, DB. DB was in town to talk to some actress who he wanted to star in this picture he was writing. The reason I was calling him was to see if I could borrow his car. When he answered I asked him if I could use his ride for a day or two, and promised him he would have it back soon. He agreed, and soon I was driving out to see her. She was living in the next town over, a little town called Williamsville. It took me about an hour's drive to get to her address. I pulled up into her driveway and got out of the car. Her house wasn’t exactly the prettiest thing you'll ever see in this life. It was an ugly shade of brown, with the paint chipping, and the some of the shingles on her roof were falling off. I went up to the door and knocked a few times. As I knocked, I was afraid her door would fall off. I'm not kidding. It was in that bad of shape. Soon I heard footsteps coming, and the door opened. Standing there was Jane.
I grinned with happiness. "Good old Jane," I thought to myself. She still looked the same as before, long brown hair, big brown eyes, with that same great smile on her face. "Holden!" she exclaimed before she threw her arms around me. As she hugged me, I could feel my heart skip a beat. "Please, come in," she said to me, as she turned and headed inside. The inside of her house wasn’t anything to go crazy about either, if you know what I mean. The floors were pretty dirty, and the furniture was ripped and stained. She walked over to the couches and sat down, motioning for me to join her. As I sat, she asked me "How have you been Holden, after all these long years?"
I shrugged and smiled. "Can't complain, I suppose. I'm staying in the next town over, in some hotel. DB's in town. He's working on some new picture."
"Oh that's just grand, Holden. Just grand."
"Grand," I thought to myself. I hated that word. It always annoyed me. It just sounded so phony.
We shot the crap for a little while after that, talking about whatever would come to mind. Nothing deep or meaningful, or anything like that. Boy, was it great to see her again. I hadn’t had much to be happy about lately, and talking to Jane was just what I needed. Then she said something that really surprised me.
"I'm married now," she said with a smile.
Whatever feelings of happiness I had were all gone suddenly, and I don’t know why. I hid my displeasure well though, since I was such a good liar.
"Really?" I said, as calmly as possible, trying to act uninterested.
"Yes," she said. "His name's Ward. He's a great guy, really. You would just love him."
"Ward…" I thought to myself. "Where had I heard that before…" It suddenly hit me.
"Stradlater?" I said with disbelief.
"Yea, Stradlater is his last name," she said. Do you know him?"
"Sure, I do. At least, I used to," I replied. We went to school together."
"Oh," she said. She looked up at me. "Do you like him? I think he's just wonderful. Very handsome too."
I nodded with false agreement. "Sure, he's alright," I said, trying to act as nonchalant as I could. I was suddenly very, very angry. Then I said something that to this day I am still unsure of why I said it. Under my breath, I muttered "A complete sonuvabitch, though."
She looked up at me, startled. "Excuse me?" she said, with narrowed eyes.
I stayed cool. " I don’t know. He just seems like a phony to me. You know, he's all obsessed with his looks, thinks he's the greatest and all just 'cause he's athletic and good looking." I looked up at her. Suddenly I was seeing her in a whole other light. She was beautiful, she really was. I don’t know why I never noticed this before.
She shook her head at me. "You know Holden, I really thought you would be happy for me," she said, her voice shaking while she spoke. "But I guess not."
I didn’t listen. My head was suddenly filled with emotions, emotions that I hadn’t ever felt before.
"Leave him." I said to her suddenly. I don’t know why, I just said it. "Leave him and come with me. Marry me, Jane. We would be great together. You know it."
She shook her head at me. "Holden, what has become of you? I feel like I'm not even speaking to my old friend anymore. I never would marry you Holden, I have a life here, and I'm happy with it.
I was angry now. "Sure you're happy, living in this shitty house with a complete sonuvabitch as a husband!" I was now standing up and yelling at her.
"How dare you," she said to me calmly. As I looked at her, I saw her face was now filled with tears. "Don’t you ever insult my life. As if yours is any better. How is your drinking these days, anyway Holden?
"Now that was just a low blow," I thought to myself. That's something you might not know about me. I'm a bit of an alcoholic. And Jane knew perfectly of this. I never would have expected her to say something like that to me. "Goodbye Jane," I said calmly to her. I stood up and walked out the door, without saying another word.
After I left her house, I was feeling pretty lousy. I wish I never acted like that towards Jane. I guess I just wasn’t sure how to feel after not seeing her for so long. I decided to drown my sorrows by having a drink. I stopped at a bar I saw on the way home. I parked DB's car and walked in. It was a pretty nice place, a bar sitting in the front of the room, with booths and chairs around the room, and a dance floor in the middle. It wasn’t very crowded at all, I could only see about four or five people in the entire goddam place. I sat down at the bar and ordered my favorite drink, a rum and coke. Luckily for me, the bartender listened, and didn’t first ask how old I was. I hated that. Normally when I go to a bar they ask me how old I was. It would goddam kill me. I drank for a while, drowning my miseries in drink after drink. No one sat down next to me, thank god. I was definitely not in the mood for company. After about an hour, the bartender told me they were closing up early and I had to go home. I stumbled outside and headed to the car. I didn’t think that I was drunk, or at least I couldn’t tell. I wish I had gotten a ride home, though, looking back. Anyway, when I got in the car, I realized I didn’t want to be alone. I looked at the time. It was about 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Then I got an idea. My kid sister's, Phoebe, school was getting out at about this time. I thought maybe I could go pick her up and take her to a show or something. You know, a little brother sister bonding, or something like that. I started up the car and headed over there. It wasn’t that long of a drive, so I was there pretty soon. As I pulled up in front of the school, I saw her walking out, talking with some of her friends. I stepped out of the car and yelled her name. She looked up, spotted me, and ran over.
"Holden!" she exclaimed, jumping into my arms.
"How ya doing sis? I said happily. "How would you like to go catch a show with your brother right now. I was thinking we could see The Lunts down at the theaters."
She grinned at me. Boy, did she have a nice smile. "I'd love to Holden. Let's go, shall we?" And with that, we both hopped into the car.
What happened next I don’t remember so hot. We were driving to the theater, and I wasn’t feeling too good. I was dizzy and couldn’t focus. I could hear Phoebe's worried cries from the back of the car, but I didn’t know what she was saying. Then I felt myself being slammed forward with great force, lurched back, a deafening crash, and everything went black.
I woke up a couple days later in a hospital bed. I felt woozy, and didn’t remember much. They told me that I had been in a car crash, but I wasn’t hurt badly. Things were starting to come back. I suddenly felt a sick feeling in my stomach. I asked about Phoebe, and how she was. The doctor gave me a pitiful look, and told me that Phoebe had died in the crash. That just about killed me. I damn near almost started crying, right there in front of him. As if I wasn’t feeling lousy enough, the doctor told me that when they were treating me, they found alcohol in my blood, and that the police were on their way to arrest me. After hearing that, I just about wanted to kill myself. I thought about making a run for it, but I was too goddam depressed. "I deserve it," I thought to myself sickly.
The cops came pretty soon after that and brought me here, to this dump, for the first time. Seems like such a long time ago yeah? For me it's been longer. Every day for 10 years I've despised myself for what I've done, wishing I could go back and fix it. And you know what? Today's the day. I'm fed up with it. I'm ending it all, right here and now. I wish there was something you could say to stop me, but there isn’t. So I guess that's all there is to it. Goodbye.
Analysis
In my paper, Holden ends up in jail 10 years after The Catcher in the Rye. He is in jail for drunken driving and accidentally killing his kid sister, Phoebe. In the beginning of the story, Holden is in jail, threatening suicide, and telling someone else his whole story about what led him into jail. The concept of him telling another person his story was quite easy, as I made the other person the same person as in Catcher, since all of Catcher is he telling someone else his story. In doing this, I made it so that while he is telling his story of Catcher, he is in jail the entire time. I knew right away that drunken driving would fit the puzzle, since throughout Catcher, alcohol is often referenced to. But I hit one bump. It didn’t seem exactly like Holden to get drunk, drive, and kill someone for no apparent reason, with no story behind it. That was where I brought Jane Gallagher in. I wrote it so that Holden called up Jane to say hello and talk to, since it had been so long since they had spoken last. He drives out to her house, only to find that he is strangely attracted to her. But unfortunately for Holden, he finds that Jane has married Stradlater, and it pushes him over the line. He gets mad and says some things, and ends up leaving in anger. This fit perfectly because throughout the book, it is clear Holden has an attraction to Jane. I figured that in my story, these true feelings could finally come out, and they could hurt Holden in the process. In the end, I had Holden kill himself, and for this, I don’t not have any real solid reasoning. I wanted my story to be sad, and I thought that him dying would be a perfect ending to a sad story. I still think that it made sense kind of, however, because in both my story and Catcher, Holden's life is clearly not going well, and he hints depression through out the story. I figured that it was the perfect ending, fitting the manner of Catcher perfectly.
Don't you try to stop me, don’t you dare. I have thought about it, and goddam it, I'm sick and tired of it! I've been here for 10 long years, and enough is enough! If you really want to hear about it, I'll tell you why. I guess to really understand everything, I would have to go back about 10 years, back to that one goddam terrible day. I'm sure you remember my story. But I guess now I have to tell you all the things I never told you the first time.
I was on my way to see Jane. You remember Jane don’t ya? I doubt you remember, actually. Remember way back when, when I first got to this dump? I was telling you my story and all. Maybe you don’t remember, I don’t know. Anyway, I was on my way to see Jane. I hadn’t seen her in such a long time, I couldn’t even remember the last time I laid my eyes on her. Boy, was it going to be great to see old Jane. Her and I used to be such great friends. We would hang out as kids, since we were neighbors and all. We would do everything, talk, go to the theaters, play checkers. That was something funny about Jane. She always kept her kings in the back row. Would never move 'em up, not even if she had to. She was a funny one, that Jane. Don’t get me wrong, she was a great old gal. One of the best friends I ever had. I was close as hell to her too. But I don’t know, it always seemed like she was holding something back, or like she never opened up fully. Anyway, I had called up old Jane the day before. I hadn’t talked to her in ages, so I felt that I should give her a buzz. While the phone rang, I got really nervous, and I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it was just 'cause I hadn’t spoken to her in so long, and I was kinda afraid of her not remembering me. I didn’t have long to worry, though, because she picked up pretty quickly. My heart leapt with joy. We shot the crap around for a little, until she invited me to come out and see her. I told her I couldn’t wait, she gave me her address, and we said our goodbyes. Before I hung up the phone, I dialed up my brother, DB. DB was in town to talk to some actress who he wanted to star in this picture he was writing. The reason I was calling him was to see if I could borrow his car. When he answered I asked him if I could use his ride for a day or two, and promised him he would have it back soon. He agreed, and soon I was driving out to see her. She was living in the next town over, a little town called Williamsville. It took me about an hour's drive to get to her address. I pulled up into her driveway and got out of the car. Her house wasn’t exactly the prettiest thing you'll ever see in this life. It was an ugly shade of brown, with the paint chipping, and the some of the shingles on her roof were falling off. I went up to the door and knocked a few times. As I knocked, I was afraid her door would fall off. I'm not kidding. It was in that bad of shape. Soon I heard footsteps coming, and the door opened. Standing there was Jane.
I grinned with happiness. "Good old Jane," I thought to myself. She still looked the same as before, long brown hair, big brown eyes, with that same great smile on her face. "Holden!" she exclaimed before she threw her arms around me. As she hugged me, I could feel my heart skip a beat. "Please, come in," she said to me, as she turned and headed inside. The inside of her house wasn’t anything to go crazy about either, if you know what I mean. The floors were pretty dirty, and the furniture was ripped and stained. She walked over to the couches and sat down, motioning for me to join her. As I sat, she asked me "How have you been Holden, after all these long years?"
I shrugged and smiled. "Can't complain, I suppose. I'm staying in the next town over, in some hotel. DB's in town. He's working on some new picture."
"Oh that's just grand, Holden. Just grand."
"Grand," I thought to myself. I hated that word. It always annoyed me. It just sounded so phony.
We shot the crap for a little while after that, talking about whatever would come to mind. Nothing deep or meaningful, or anything like that. Boy, was it great to see her again. I hadn’t had much to be happy about lately, and talking to Jane was just what I needed. Then she said something that really surprised me.
"I'm married now," she said with a smile.
Whatever feelings of happiness I had were all gone suddenly, and I don’t know why. I hid my displeasure well though, since I was such a good liar.
"Really?" I said, as calmly as possible, trying to act uninterested.
"Yes," she said. "His name's Ward. He's a great guy, really. You would just love him."
"Ward…" I thought to myself. "Where had I heard that before…" It suddenly hit me.
"Stradlater?" I said with disbelief.
"Yea, Stradlater is his last name," she said. Do you know him?"
"Sure, I do. At least, I used to," I replied. We went to school together."
"Oh," she said. She looked up at me. "Do you like him? I think he's just wonderful. Very handsome too."
I nodded with false agreement. "Sure, he's alright," I said, trying to act as nonchalant as I could. I was suddenly very, very angry. Then I said something that to this day I am still unsure of why I said it. Under my breath, I muttered "A complete sonuvabitch, though."
She looked up at me, startled. "Excuse me?" she said, with narrowed eyes.
I stayed cool. " I don’t know. He just seems like a phony to me. You know, he's all obsessed with his looks, thinks he's the greatest and all just 'cause he's athletic and good looking." I looked up at her. Suddenly I was seeing her in a whole other light. She was beautiful, she really was. I don’t know why I never noticed this before.
She shook her head at me. "You know Holden, I really thought you would be happy for me," she said, her voice shaking while she spoke. "But I guess not."
I didn’t listen. My head was suddenly filled with emotions, emotions that I hadn’t ever felt before.
"Leave him." I said to her suddenly. I don’t know why, I just said it. "Leave him and come with me. Marry me, Jane. We would be great together. You know it."
She shook her head at me. "Holden, what has become of you? I feel like I'm not even speaking to my old friend anymore. I never would marry you Holden, I have a life here, and I'm happy with it.
I was angry now. "Sure you're happy, living in this shitty house with a complete sonuvabitch as a husband!" I was now standing up and yelling at her.
"How dare you," she said to me calmly. As I looked at her, I saw her face was now filled with tears. "Don’t you ever insult my life. As if yours is any better. How is your drinking these days, anyway Holden?
"Now that was just a low blow," I thought to myself. That's something you might not know about me. I'm a bit of an alcoholic. And Jane knew perfectly of this. I never would have expected her to say something like that to me. "Goodbye Jane," I said calmly to her. I stood up and walked out the door, without saying another word.
After I left her house, I was feeling pretty lousy. I wish I never acted like that towards Jane. I guess I just wasn’t sure how to feel after not seeing her for so long. I decided to drown my sorrows by having a drink. I stopped at a bar I saw on the way home. I parked DB's car and walked in. It was a pretty nice place, a bar sitting in the front of the room, with booths and chairs around the room, and a dance floor in the middle. It wasn’t very crowded at all, I could only see about four or five people in the entire goddam place. I sat down at the bar and ordered my favorite drink, a rum and coke. Luckily for me, the bartender listened, and didn’t first ask how old I was. I hated that. Normally when I go to a bar they ask me how old I was. It would goddam kill me. I drank for a while, drowning my miseries in drink after drink. No one sat down next to me, thank god. I was definitely not in the mood for company. After about an hour, the bartender told me they were closing up early and I had to go home. I stumbled outside and headed to the car. I didn’t think that I was drunk, or at least I couldn’t tell. I wish I had gotten a ride home, though, looking back. Anyway, when I got in the car, I realized I didn’t want to be alone. I looked at the time. It was about 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Then I got an idea. My kid sister's, Phoebe, school was getting out at about this time. I thought maybe I could go pick her up and take her to a show or something. You know, a little brother sister bonding, or something like that. I started up the car and headed over there. It wasn’t that long of a drive, so I was there pretty soon. As I pulled up in front of the school, I saw her walking out, talking with some of her friends. I stepped out of the car and yelled her name. She looked up, spotted me, and ran over.
"Holden!" she exclaimed, jumping into my arms.
"How ya doing sis? I said happily. "How would you like to go catch a show with your brother right now. I was thinking we could see The Lunts down at the theaters."
She grinned at me. Boy, did she have a nice smile. "I'd love to Holden. Let's go, shall we?" And with that, we both hopped into the car.
What happened next I don’t remember so hot. We were driving to the theater, and I wasn’t feeling too good. I was dizzy and couldn’t focus. I could hear Phoebe's worried cries from the back of the car, but I didn’t know what she was saying. Then I felt myself being slammed forward with great force, lurched back, a deafening crash, and everything went black.
I woke up a couple days later in a hospital bed. I felt woozy, and didn’t remember much. They told me that I had been in a car crash, but I wasn’t hurt badly. Things were starting to come back. I suddenly felt a sick feeling in my stomach. I asked about Phoebe, and how she was. The doctor gave me a pitiful look, and told me that Phoebe had died in the crash. That just about killed me. I damn near almost started crying, right there in front of him. As if I wasn’t feeling lousy enough, the doctor told me that when they were treating me, they found alcohol in my blood, and that the police were on their way to arrest me. After hearing that, I just about wanted to kill myself. I thought about making a run for it, but I was too goddam depressed. "I deserve it," I thought to myself sickly.
The cops came pretty soon after that and brought me here, to this dump, for the first time. Seems like such a long time ago yeah? For me it's been longer. Every day for 10 years I've despised myself for what I've done, wishing I could go back and fix it. And you know what? Today's the day. I'm fed up with it. I'm ending it all, right here and now. I wish there was something you could say to stop me, but there isn’t. So I guess that's all there is to it. Goodbye.
Analysis
In my paper, Holden ends up in jail 10 years after The Catcher in the Rye. He is in jail for drunken driving and accidentally killing his kid sister, Phoebe. In the beginning of the story, Holden is in jail, threatening suicide, and telling someone else his whole story about what led him into jail. The concept of him telling another person his story was quite easy, as I made the other person the same person as in Catcher, since all of Catcher is he telling someone else his story. In doing this, I made it so that while he is telling his story of Catcher, he is in jail the entire time. I knew right away that drunken driving would fit the puzzle, since throughout Catcher, alcohol is often referenced to. But I hit one bump. It didn’t seem exactly like Holden to get drunk, drive, and kill someone for no apparent reason, with no story behind it. That was where I brought Jane Gallagher in. I wrote it so that Holden called up Jane to say hello and talk to, since it had been so long since they had spoken last. He drives out to her house, only to find that he is strangely attracted to her. But unfortunately for Holden, he finds that Jane has married Stradlater, and it pushes him over the line. He gets mad and says some things, and ends up leaving in anger. This fit perfectly because throughout the book, it is clear Holden has an attraction to Jane. I figured that in my story, these true feelings could finally come out, and they could hurt Holden in the process. In the end, I had Holden kill himself, and for this, I don’t not have any real solid reasoning. I wanted my story to be sad, and I thought that him dying would be a perfect ending to a sad story. I still think that it made sense kind of, however, because in both my story and Catcher, Holden's life is clearly not going well, and he hints depression through out the story. I figured that it was the perfect ending, fitting the manner of Catcher perfectly.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Short Story
Boy, was I feeling depressed. It felt like my life was crashing down all around me, and no matter where I looked, there was just now way out, no solace to be found. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and yet, I was not sure what to think. My mind was flooded with thoughts and worries. “What is going to happen to me?” “Will my life ever be the same again?” “Am I going to die…?” I was zoned out, unaware of everything around me. There were no words to describe how I felt. To best explain everything, you would need to go back, back 6 years ago, all leading up to that one fateful day.
The summer before I entered the fifth grade, I was going through a rough patch in my life. I was constantly hungry or thirsty, always needing to use the bathroom. For entire days at a time, I was just flat out tired, even if I hadn’t done anything active all day. I didn’t want to do anything, go to school, play sports, and not even see my friends. All I wanted was to just sit on my couch, watch TV, or sleep. I wasn’t sure what was going on, I just thought I had lost the will to do anything. My parents, after noticing this behavior for a couple of months, took me to my doctor to finally see what was wrong. It was there and then that I was delivered the news that I had developed diabetes. I remember it perfectly: my doctor leaned over to me and said softly and gently, “I think you may have diabetes.” I remember my reaction like it was only yesterday: the voice in my mind just waiting for her to say “… just kidding, you’re fine!” But as I looked into her eyes, I realized that she was not kidding at all, she was dead serious. My mind went blank. The ride home was quiet, neither my mom nor I felt like talking much. Once I got home, I went into my room and shut the door. I sat down and buried my head into my hands, and thought to myself “I’m going to die, aren’t I?” I thought my life was going to come to an early end, when little did I know; it was only a whole new beginning.
About a week later, the news became final: I had indeed developed type A diabetes. I had developed it for no particular reason. It was in my genetics, and it had chosen to develop at that time. My diabetes required me to take insulin before every meal, constantly watch what I eat (no more sugar), get lots of exercise, and monitor my blood sugar, because if it ever got too high or too low, it would result in serious health trauma. (The reason I had been so tired was because of having high blood sugar for too long of a time.) While I was in the hospital, I learned from my parents that I had been the first on either side of the family to have ever developed diabetes. At hearing this news, I became very angry. “Why me? Of all these generations of my family, why did it have to be me? Why must I be first?” This sunk me into a slight depression, distraught over my terrible luck and this curse that had been laid upon me. But little did I know then that this little “curse” was actually just a blessing in disguise.
After leaving the hospital after a couple of days of treatment, I discovered my life did not change as much as I expected. I still hung out with my same friends, did the same things. I even felt healthier, more alive with energy. After a year of having diabetes, I noticed that I was starting to slim down more. Not only this, I found that I was in the best shape I had ever been. You see, before I developed diabetes, I was slightly overweight, in terrible shape, and had no interest in sports at all. But having diabetes changed a lot of this. Since I was now restricted from eating fatty and sugary foods, I began to lose weight. And since there was a greater need for me to exercise, I soon got in very good shape. I got more and more into sports, playing baseball and football for a couple of years, and consequentially, making tons of new friends.
What I am about to say may sound crazy, but in the long run, I am very glad that I developed diabetes. I see that it has changed my life for the better, impacting what I look like, how I act, who I am now and who I will be in the future. Sure, I know that it controls part of my life, often limits me in what I do, and just may even kill me earlier than normal. But I’m at peace with that. I know that without ever getting diabetes, I would have never been the person who I am today, and it is just now another part of my life.
Looking back, I would say that getting diabetes taught me a lot about life, and how it will sometimes treat you. Getting diabetes gave me a wake up call, telling me that I really had to care about how I lived my life. It also taught me that even though life will throw some bad stuff your way, you can always change it into a positive, and no matter what, never let it get you down on yourself.
The summer before I entered the fifth grade, I was going through a rough patch in my life. I was constantly hungry or thirsty, always needing to use the bathroom. For entire days at a time, I was just flat out tired, even if I hadn’t done anything active all day. I didn’t want to do anything, go to school, play sports, and not even see my friends. All I wanted was to just sit on my couch, watch TV, or sleep. I wasn’t sure what was going on, I just thought I had lost the will to do anything. My parents, after noticing this behavior for a couple of months, took me to my doctor to finally see what was wrong. It was there and then that I was delivered the news that I had developed diabetes. I remember it perfectly: my doctor leaned over to me and said softly and gently, “I think you may have diabetes.” I remember my reaction like it was only yesterday: the voice in my mind just waiting for her to say “… just kidding, you’re fine!” But as I looked into her eyes, I realized that she was not kidding at all, she was dead serious. My mind went blank. The ride home was quiet, neither my mom nor I felt like talking much. Once I got home, I went into my room and shut the door. I sat down and buried my head into my hands, and thought to myself “I’m going to die, aren’t I?” I thought my life was going to come to an early end, when little did I know; it was only a whole new beginning.
About a week later, the news became final: I had indeed developed type A diabetes. I had developed it for no particular reason. It was in my genetics, and it had chosen to develop at that time. My diabetes required me to take insulin before every meal, constantly watch what I eat (no more sugar), get lots of exercise, and monitor my blood sugar, because if it ever got too high or too low, it would result in serious health trauma. (The reason I had been so tired was because of having high blood sugar for too long of a time.) While I was in the hospital, I learned from my parents that I had been the first on either side of the family to have ever developed diabetes. At hearing this news, I became very angry. “Why me? Of all these generations of my family, why did it have to be me? Why must I be first?” This sunk me into a slight depression, distraught over my terrible luck and this curse that had been laid upon me. But little did I know then that this little “curse” was actually just a blessing in disguise.
After leaving the hospital after a couple of days of treatment, I discovered my life did not change as much as I expected. I still hung out with my same friends, did the same things. I even felt healthier, more alive with energy. After a year of having diabetes, I noticed that I was starting to slim down more. Not only this, I found that I was in the best shape I had ever been. You see, before I developed diabetes, I was slightly overweight, in terrible shape, and had no interest in sports at all. But having diabetes changed a lot of this. Since I was now restricted from eating fatty and sugary foods, I began to lose weight. And since there was a greater need for me to exercise, I soon got in very good shape. I got more and more into sports, playing baseball and football for a couple of years, and consequentially, making tons of new friends.
What I am about to say may sound crazy, but in the long run, I am very glad that I developed diabetes. I see that it has changed my life for the better, impacting what I look like, how I act, who I am now and who I will be in the future. Sure, I know that it controls part of my life, often limits me in what I do, and just may even kill me earlier than normal. But I’m at peace with that. I know that without ever getting diabetes, I would have never been the person who I am today, and it is just now another part of my life.
Looking back, I would say that getting diabetes taught me a lot about life, and how it will sometimes treat you. Getting diabetes gave me a wake up call, telling me that I really had to care about how I lived my life. It also taught me that even though life will throw some bad stuff your way, you can always change it into a positive, and no matter what, never let it get you down on yourself.
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