holden 10 years later

10 Years Later Tim Radovich

Don't you try to stop me, don’t you dare. I have thought about it, and goddam it, I'm sick and tired of it! I've been here for 10 long years, and enough is enough! If you really want to hear about it, I'll tell you why. I guess to really understand everything, I would have to go back about 10 years, back to that one goddam terrible day. I'm sure you remember my story. But I guess now I have to tell you all the things I never told you the first time.
I was on my way to see Jane. You remember Jane don’t ya? I doubt you remember, actually. Remember way back when, when I first got to this dump? I was telling you my story and all. Maybe you don’t remember, I don’t know. Anyway, I was on my way to see Jane. I hadn’t seen her in such a long time, I couldn’t even remember the last time I laid my eyes on her. Boy, was it going to be great to see old Jane. Her and I used to be such great friends. We would hang out as kids, since we were neighbors and all. We would do everything, talk, go to the theaters, play checkers. That was something funny about Jane. She always kept her kings in the back row. Would never move 'em up, not even if she had to. She was a funny one, that Jane. Don’t get me wrong, she was a great old gal. One of the best friends I ever had. I was close as hell to her too. But I don’t know, it always seemed like she was holding something back, or like she never opened up fully. Anyway, I had called up old Jane the day before. I hadn’t talked to her in ages, so I felt that I should give her a buzz. While the phone rang, I got really nervous, and I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it was just 'cause I hadn’t spoken to her in so long, and I was kinda afraid of her not remembering me. I didn’t have long to worry, though, because she picked up pretty quickly. My heart leapt with joy. We shot the crap around for a little, until she invited me to come out and see her. I told her I couldn’t wait, she gave me her address, and we said our goodbyes. Before I hung up the phone, I dialed up my brother, DB. DB was in town to talk to some actress who he wanted to star in this picture he was writing. The reason I was calling him was to see if I could borrow his car. When he answered I asked him if I could use his ride for a day or two, and promised him he would have it back soon. He agreed, and soon I was driving out to see her. She was living in the next town over, a little town called Williamsville. It took me about an hour's drive to get to her address. I pulled up into her driveway and got out of the car. Her house wasn’t exactly the prettiest thing you'll ever see in this life. It was an ugly shade of brown, with the paint chipping, and the some of the shingles on her roof were falling off. I went up to the door and knocked a few times. As I knocked, I was afraid her door would fall off. I'm not kidding. It was in that bad of shape. Soon I heard footsteps coming, and the door opened. Standing there was Jane.
I grinned with happiness. "Good old Jane," I thought to myself. She still looked the same as before, long brown hair, big brown eyes, with that same great smile on her face. "Holden!" she exclaimed before she threw her arms around me. As she hugged me, I could feel my heart skip a beat. "Please, come in," she said to me, as she turned and headed inside. The inside of her house wasn’t anything to go crazy about either, if you know what I mean. The floors were pretty dirty, and the furniture was ripped and stained. She walked over to the couches and sat down, motioning for me to join her. As I sat, she asked me "How have you been Holden, after all these long years?"
I shrugged and smiled. "Can't complain, I suppose. I'm staying in the next town over, in some hotel. DB's in town. He's working on some new picture."
"Oh that's just grand, Holden. Just grand."
"Grand," I thought to myself. I hated that word. It always annoyed me. It just sounded so phony.
We shot the crap for a little while after that, talking about whatever would come to mind. Nothing deep or meaningful, or anything like that. Boy, was it great to see her again. I hadn’t had much to be happy about lately, and talking to Jane was just what I needed. Then she said something that really surprised me.
"I'm married now," she said with a smile.
Whatever feelings of happiness I had were all gone suddenly, and I don’t know why. I hid my displeasure well though, since I was such a good liar.
"Really?" I said, as calmly as possible, trying to act uninterested.
"Yes," she said. "His name's Ward. He's a great guy, really. You would just love him."
"Ward…" I thought to myself. "Where had I heard that before…" It suddenly hit me.
"Stradlater?" I said with disbelief.
"Yea, Stradlater is his last name," she said. Do you know him?"
"Sure, I do. At least, I used to," I replied. We went to school together."
"Oh," she said. She looked up at me. "Do you like him? I think he's just wonderful. Very handsome too."
I nodded with false agreement. "Sure, he's alright," I said, trying to act as nonchalant as I could. I was suddenly very, very angry. Then I said something that to this day I am still unsure of why I said it. Under my breath, I muttered "A complete sonuvabitch, though."
She looked up at me, startled. "Excuse me?" she said, with narrowed eyes.
I stayed cool. " I don’t know. He just seems like a phony to me. You know, he's all obsessed with his looks, thinks he's the greatest and all just 'cause he's athletic and good looking." I looked up at her. Suddenly I was seeing her in a whole other light. She was beautiful, she really was. I don’t know why I never noticed this before.
She shook her head at me. "You know Holden, I really thought you would be happy for me," she said, her voice shaking while she spoke. "But I guess not."
I didn’t listen. My head was suddenly filled with emotions, emotions that I hadn’t ever felt before.
"Leave him." I said to her suddenly. I don’t know why, I just said it. "Leave him and come with me. Marry me, Jane. We would be great together. You know it."
She shook her head at me. "Holden, what has become of you? I feel like I'm not even speaking to my old friend anymore. I never would marry you Holden, I have a life here, and I'm happy with it.
I was angry now. "Sure you're happy, living in this shitty house with a complete sonuvabitch as a husband!" I was now standing up and yelling at her.
"How dare you," she said to me calmly. As I looked at her, I saw her face was now filled with tears. "Don’t you ever insult my life. As if yours is any better. How is your drinking these days, anyway Holden?
"Now that was just a low blow," I thought to myself. That's something you might not know about me. I'm a bit of an alcoholic. And Jane knew perfectly of this. I never would have expected her to say something like that to me. "Goodbye Jane," I said calmly to her. I stood up and walked out the door, without saying another word.
After I left her house, I was feeling pretty lousy. I wish I never acted like that towards Jane. I guess I just wasn’t sure how to feel after not seeing her for so long. I decided to drown my sorrows by having a drink. I stopped at a bar I saw on the way home. I parked DB's car and walked in. It was a pretty nice place, a bar sitting in the front of the room, with booths and chairs around the room, and a dance floor in the middle. It wasn’t very crowded at all, I could only see about four or five people in the entire goddam place. I sat down at the bar and ordered my favorite drink, a rum and coke. Luckily for me, the bartender listened, and didn’t first ask how old I was. I hated that. Normally when I go to a bar they ask me how old I was. It would goddam kill me. I drank for a while, drowning my miseries in drink after drink. No one sat down next to me, thank god. I was definitely not in the mood for company. After about an hour, the bartender told me they were closing up early and I had to go home. I stumbled outside and headed to the car. I didn’t think that I was drunk, or at least I couldn’t tell. I wish I had gotten a ride home, though, looking back. Anyway, when I got in the car, I realized I didn’t want to be alone. I looked at the time. It was about 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Then I got an idea. My kid sister's, Phoebe, school was getting out at about this time. I thought maybe I could go pick her up and take her to a show or something. You know, a little brother sister bonding, or something like that. I started up the car and headed over there. It wasn’t that long of a drive, so I was there pretty soon. As I pulled up in front of the school, I saw her walking out, talking with some of her friends. I stepped out of the car and yelled her name. She looked up, spotted me, and ran over.
"Holden!" she exclaimed, jumping into my arms.
"How ya doing sis? I said happily. "How would you like to go catch a show with your brother right now. I was thinking we could see The Lunts down at the theaters."
She grinned at me. Boy, did she have a nice smile. "I'd love to Holden. Let's go, shall we?" And with that, we both hopped into the car.
What happened next I don’t remember so hot. We were driving to the theater, and I wasn’t feeling too good. I was dizzy and couldn’t focus. I could hear Phoebe's worried cries from the back of the car, but I didn’t know what she was saying. Then I felt myself being slammed forward with great force, lurched back, a deafening crash, and everything went black.
I woke up a couple days later in a hospital bed. I felt woozy, and didn’t remember much. They told me that I had been in a car crash, but I wasn’t hurt badly. Things were starting to come back. I suddenly felt a sick feeling in my stomach. I asked about Phoebe, and how she was. The doctor gave me a pitiful look, and told me that Phoebe had died in the crash. That just about killed me. I damn near almost started crying, right there in front of him. As if I wasn’t feeling lousy enough, the doctor told me that when they were treating me, they found alcohol in my blood, and that the police were on their way to arrest me. After hearing that, I just about wanted to kill myself. I thought about making a run for it, but I was too goddam depressed. "I deserve it," I thought to myself sickly.
The cops came pretty soon after that and brought me here, to this dump, for the first time. Seems like such a long time ago yeah? For me it's been longer. Every day for 10 years I've despised myself for what I've done, wishing I could go back and fix it. And you know what? Today's the day. I'm fed up with it. I'm ending it all, right here and now. I wish there was something you could say to stop me, but there isn’t. So I guess that's all there is to it. Goodbye.
Analysis
In my paper, Holden ends up in jail 10 years after The Catcher in the Rye. He is in jail for drunken driving and accidentally killing his kid sister, Phoebe. In the beginning of the story, Holden is in jail, threatening suicide, and telling someone else his whole story about what led him into jail. The concept of him telling another person his story was quite easy, as I made the other person the same person as in Catcher, since all of Catcher is he telling someone else his story. In doing this, I made it so that while he is telling his story of Catcher, he is in jail the entire time. I knew right away that drunken driving would fit the puzzle, since throughout Catcher, alcohol is often referenced to. But I hit one bump. It didn’t seem exactly like Holden to get drunk, drive, and kill someone for no apparent reason, with no story behind it. That was where I brought Jane Gallagher in. I wrote it so that Holden called up Jane to say hello and talk to, since it had been so long since they had spoken last. He drives out to her house, only to find that he is strangely attracted to her. But unfortunately for Holden, he finds that Jane has married Stradlater, and it pushes him over the line. He gets mad and says some things, and ends up leaving in anger. This fit perfectly because throughout the book, it is clear Holden has an attraction to Jane. I figured that in my story, these true feelings could finally come out, and they could hurt Holden in the process. In the end, I had Holden kill himself, and for this, I don’t not have any real solid reasoning. I wanted my story to be sad, and I thought that him dying would be a perfect ending to a sad story. I still think that it made sense kind of, however, because in both my story and Catcher, Holden's life is clearly not going well, and he hints depression through out the story. I figured that it was the perfect ending, fitting the manner of Catcher perfectly.